The million-dollar question. The dividing line between two schools of thought. I'll add my opinion to the fray, maybe it will be heard above the noise.
Is it selfish? Yes. No. It depends. How's that for decisiveness? I've been on both sides of the question, watching as loved ones struggle with a suicide within their realm; I've struggled myself with the dark despondency and contemplated that irreversible decision. We can talk about platitudes, advice, guilt, the whole gamut. We can delve into the spiritual, mental, physical, and chemical reasons. But I'm not going to do that. I'm just going to talk.
A dear friend, a love of mine, is tired. So very tired of life. Weary beyond measure. So he's quit taking all his meds. The psychotropic as well as the blood sugar meds. He was on quite the cocktail of psychotropics, which messed with his brain and emotions and made him more unstable. I can understand weaning oneself off of those. But, come on? Blood sugar meds? He's hoping he'll have a heart attack or stroke that will kill him. The brutal, ugly reality is, he'll most likely become debilitated instead, and even more dependent on the medical field than before.
He's the most selfish person I know. He's thinking only of himself, not those who will have to take care of him, or those he leaves behind. And we'll all blame ourselves. Some of us more than others. "Why didn't I know?" "Why didn't I say this ... or this... or that?" "I should have tried harder to reach him." And we'll curse at the shadows, we'll cry out in pain and guilt. And some of us, in the depths of our despair, may follow him into darkness, imitate his final decision.
He's stubborn and refusing counsel, he's obstinate and won't listen. He's always been an attention whore; so part of me wonders, is it all just a ploy? He'll play us along and then when we're all at the right pitch of anxiety and alarm, he'll go back on his blood sugar meds and get his health under control.
So, yes, in this instance, suicide IS selfish. His son will be deprived of a parent and will grieve the rest of his life. His MC will be left with a big hole, not just in the organization, but the people's hearts. His ex-wives and girlfriends, his friends, coworkers, all of us, will fall on the double edges sword of self-reproach and rage -- against ourselves, him, others, medical personnel. The pain will never leave. It will scar over, but it will always chafe and burn and rub and grate against our hearts and minds.
A year ago, a dear friend took her life in the midst of an argument with her boyfriend. It was a desperate move, a fatal gamble that I do not believe she intended to be permanent. I blame him. He belittled and maligned her, with constant and repetitious pounding into her psyche that she was worthless, unloved, and absolutely unlovable. After months, days, hours of his vile, hateful haranguing, she snatched up his handgun, put it between her teeth, and pulled the trigger. A rash, final act of defiance against a world that had crushed her beyond repair. She was not selfish, she was already destroyed and acted out utter desolation.
My nephew was selfish. He, too, shot himself, but after a long and thoughtful pursuit of the matter, he wouldn't listen to reason and then fooled us all by making plans, pretending to be happy. Did he think of how it would affect the girlfriend he claimed to cherish beyond all others? They were planning to move in together. She will never get that image out of her mind. What about the friends that helped her clean up the blood? How are they to cope and not blame themselves? I watched my sister, bewildered by her son's actions. Stunned by the finality of death, bowed down with guilt and despairing grief.
We'll all have nightmares. We'll be stunned by grief and crushed down by guilt. And we'll be angry. At ourselves for not doing enough or saying enough. At God. At the world. At him, for so selfishly destroying hope and love in hearts that he should have cherished and guarded from pain and danger. He was too selfish and self-absorbed, he couldn't look us in the eye and tell us we're not worth the effort to stay around.
